Weekend Realizations

Realization #1. I haven’t left the house for the past 4 weekends. Someone or another in my family has been sick for 4 weeks. I have been incredibly bored. Problem is, I eat when I’m bored. I think that I might devour my own feet out of boredom if I don’t get out soon. My feet are probably not as fattening as the other garbage I have eaten.

Realization #2. Days go by incredibly fast – I can spend a whole day in my pajamas doing little more than reading peek-a-boo books, washing dishes, and making meals – POOF the day is gone, and I’ve done absolutely nothing to speak of. (Thus, the boredom).

Realization #3. I DESPISE washing dishes. Especially dishes that I myself don’t create. And most especially bottle parts. And pump parts. And dirty silverware. And cups. I think you get the point.

Realization #4. We have enough baby toys to completely fill up the living room, when they are all conglomerated into one spot. (My dear husband proved this point while we were cleaning the house by moving them from wherever he found one and piling them all up in the living room). I may have overdone the baby toy thing – but I never like it when he is able to prove something like that to me.

Realization #5. Our dog creates an ungodly amount of MESS in our house.
– KIBBLE left lying here and there and everywhere. It must hang on his lips and dribble off in random places hours after he has eaten, or else he is preparing for our national economic crisis and storing snacks purposely in every nook and cranny.
– HAIR that you don’t notice until you actually try to clean, (which isn’t often enough at my house) and then you end up with a fistful in a dustpan.
– DIRT that is ground into the carpet that you can’t see (because of the brown carpet) until it ends up on the knees of Jordan’s pants (I’ve decided that she can no longer wear white in our house).
– BONES that should more appropriately be called pieces of stray black petrified rawhide that I find under the couch and piano – god only knows how long they have been there.
– STINK from just being present (sorry Cobey, you are handsome, but you don’t typically smell very good) and from what must result when he does the thing that makes flames want to shoot out of my ears – he will sit down, and drag his butt across the rug. I’d rather not know about his itchy rear in the first place, and I don’t even want to think about what he leaves behind on the rug. GROSS.

Realization #6. The toilet is a truly disgusting apparatus. I discovered this through 2 venues.
– I cleaned it. And it was gross. I don’t know how it could get so gross, even on the outside – I mean, we do our business INTO it, not ALL OVER it, right? I would blame it on my husband, but he usually goes outside to tinkle (I can’t believe that I’m admitting this to the world, it is so strange, so crude, but so true).
– The darn Myth Busters (TV show on Discovery Channel) did a test with toothbrushes in a bathroom, to determine how far away from the toilet they had to be to not get infested with fecal coliform. GROSS!!!!! You do not want to know the results of this episode.
My family may all be going outside to use the bathroom from now on.

Realization #7. Finally a good one – I absolutely can not get enough of my daughter – she is the most incredible, wonderful being in my world. She entertains me, terrifies me, astonishes me, and melts my heart through everything she does. Somehow, she makes all of the rest of the things I realized over the weekend seem not so bad (except for Cobey’s butt-itching, nothing can possibly make that okay).