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  • Jordan's latest 5.1.09 SHOES is her new favorite word, and a totally new and exciting concept. I've quickly discovered the joy of velcro or elastic straps, as Jordan has no patience for mommy tying her precious little Keds. FISH - she now points at pictures, and the ones in the pond. So cute. YEP - when you ask if she wants to do something, this is generally her response. She also says NO, but usually it is a good natured "Yep". Drums - Jordan has always loved drums. They are her favorite toys. Now, she will pull 4 or 5 of them into a semi-circle around her, and will use 2 mallets to play them all, 3 taps at a time. She is bound to be a famous percussionist. Rocks - Since mastering her walking skills, we let her walk more and more often. Our driveway is gravel, and it is so appealing to her. It's like a gigantic sandbox - we put her down, and she immediately sits and plays with the rocks. She tried to eat one, and it was obviously distasteful, as she spit it out and hasn't tried again. She points out my eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, and says the word for each. What a smart little girl. Have you figured out yet that she is the love of my life, and not only that, but also a genius????

Element

Posted on July 25, 2011 by smashmom

Ever feel like you are in your element? I do right now, though I’m not sure why. My dearest Daddy, the greatest man ever in my life, passed away a month to the day of my last post. Many times I feel lost without him – hopeless, guilty, miserable, angry, and lots of time, just caught up in my thoughts of him. Sometimes it’s easy to forget the tough parts and remember the great times – sometimes I curse my brain for hanging on so hard to the last awful memories, though I know that they aren’t really as awful as I sometimes construe them to be. All of that said, I do feel in my element. Have I been so deep inside of my own thoughts and heart that I have latched on to a part of me that has been neglected? Through my internalizations and self absorbed condition have I managed to find a piece of myself that I’d forgotten? I read Daddy’s words, letter after letter that he sent me in times of my life that were turmultuous. I read them over and over and over again, relentlessly – trying to find meaning for this day; and it is everywhere. Though the issues are past, and the trials have changed, the words are relevant now. And somehow, reading his words saying “I love you”, feel like he speaks to me now. Sitting on the deck today, I found myself saying “why would I ever want to be anywhere other than right here, right now”. When for quite a while I’ve wanted to be in some other space and time, closer to him. But it has dawned on me that I can be as close to him as ever, when I think of him and talk to him, and when I smile and feel the sun warm my face. I tended my garden today. I took my baby to the park and had ice cream with my her and my husband. I made a loaf of bread. And I felt Daddy the whole time. That must mean that he was with me. And that feels more intense than the sun on my face. While I’d rather see his handome face, hear his baritone voice, feel the boom of his laugh and see the crease of his brow, hold his callused hands and wrap his precious neck in my arms – I’ll take the moments that I feel him, and run like the wind with them. Funny how I’m happy today. I hope that sticks around a while.

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